i wish i could....

i wish i could sit down calmly,not feeling depress and relax my mind..
not a busy,rushing,and stressful ones....
i m putting in effort,somehow so what??
Effort pays u Shits!
its just u r getting a better shit!
i m indeed tired...this kind of life...
its just like wen u r feeling extremely down u have to force urself to study...
y am i suffer so much n being so tiring for??always monologue...
it always gave me a non-reasonable ans..."this is ur responsibility,just do it!"
Fking!!!seriously Fking!!!well now i m damn emotional...
cause of the exam...
how scary n how cruel it is...
i m rili stressful...
cried out wen i failed to ans ques...cried wen i make careless mistake...
scold myself wen i think i m not serious enuf...wasting time for not studying,i feel guilty throughout the whole night n cnt sleep well...
i m damn Fkingly Pissed OFF!
n yet,once again,SO WAT?
its 1.38 am,i m still doing Pure MAths 3, Chem later which i force myself to finish it within the day since i open my eyes in the morning...
its enuf...u noe??
is this wat i want??
doubt...
i have no choice...this is the way i ans to myself...
sory for making this post so emo...
jz wana express sumthing out to make me feel better...
back to Math, n chem ltr...
Sleeping at 4 perhaps...
night...